I met the friendliest cop last night
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
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These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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