You're completely useless in the revolution.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
