What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
