Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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