ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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