The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
