i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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