You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize