this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
