I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
