It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
