watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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