I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
