i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
