It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
