wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
