Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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