Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
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Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
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Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You ruined the universe
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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