Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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