WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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