checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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