He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
