there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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