i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
