nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
