Do you still have your period?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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