I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
