Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
