girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
