I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
