omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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