I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
