I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
