Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
