It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
