my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
