Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is Oprah even human
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
