Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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