I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
