He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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