i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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