just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
