mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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