my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize