Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
