I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
