You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
