he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize