Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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