Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Randomize
