Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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