I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
