i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
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you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
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BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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