And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
