So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
