She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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