worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
