Duck Duck Cougar?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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