One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
