OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
