someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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