Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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