i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
